EATING GREENS… A BAD IDEA!

Most people, even non-golfers, know what “greens” are to golfers.  Vegetarians eat greens… and are proud of it.  Do you think they fight cravings for greens on the golf course?  You can see by the cartoon what would happen if they gave in.  How can vegetarians participate in a sport in which the goal is to get a “Birdie” or, better yet, an “Eagle”?

Golf is an interesting culture when you think about it.  A culture that portrays itself as a “Gentleman’s sport” but the language of golf says otherwise.   Look closely at their language.  Doesn’t it make you wonder about people who talk about “Worm-burners”, “Duck hooks”, “Slices”, “Bogeys” and even, “Double Bogeys”?  Who are these people?

Golf sounds like a war zone.  They talk about “Blasting out of Sand Traps”, “Bunkers” and  “Water Hazards”. “Penalty Shots” come up a lot in their conversations and they’re often “Out-of-bounds”.  You really can’t trust what they tell you because they talk constantly about their “Good Lies” and “Bad Lies”.  They even wear shoes with spikes in them and carry bags full of clubs!  Has anyone reported them to Homeland Security? 

They DO have “Fairways”, but in my experience, golfers rarely choose to use them, opting instead to go into the “Rough”.  What strikes me the most about golfers is their focus.  Hang around them after a round of golf and listen to their stories.  Regardless of the volume of  times they hit worm-burners, duck hooks and slices into the rough, water hazards and sand traps, they have the uncanny ability to focus all the discussion on the one good shot they hit all day.  On the other hand, it might not be focus after all, just another of their bad lies…

BEAN BAG CHAIR… FOR SENIORS

As is our custom in the Senior Breakfast group at Big Boy, talk drifted to the subject of the challenges of growing old.  In a nutshell, we all have noticed the increase in the gravitational pull  of the Earth on our bodies.  Any time for any reason we choose to go to a lower level for anything, it’s getting harder to get back up.

One couple was talking about the challenge of their Grandson’s Kindergarten Open House for parents and grandparents.  Have you been to a Kindergarten classroom recently?  It appears the school system didn’t pay enough for good quality furniture and everything has shrunk over time!

Bean bag chairs present a special challenge for those of us fighting gravity.  They don’t have any solid surface to grab to help us regain the “higher ground”.  The couple in question had decided that maybe this year would be a good year to decline the privilege of sitting in their grandson’s favorite bean bag chair and opt to stand nearby and let him demonstrate how he used it in reading time.  That was when I envisioned the perfect solution to the problem… a hoist!

Now, as I look at the drawing from a practical viewpoint, I  realize my idea had one major flaw… no motor for the hoist!  Gravity is increasing at such a rapid rate our power naps can’t create enough energy to overcome it!

SUITABLE FOR FRAMING

I got this idea watching one of those Police shows on TV.  As is the normal procedure for a person captured and accused of the crime, the suspect said, “I was framed!”  Earlier that day, I had stopped at a stop-light in town (always a good idea!)  and happened to be looking directly at a frame shop… for pictures, etc.  My sub-conscious or whatever is the blame for my ideas, did the rest.  It gave me a new perspective on the saying.  We’ve all had those moments where we are entering a situation that we know is stacked against us… The “Suitable for Framing” moment.  As I said in another post, you only have one real option that might work… “Blame it on the Dog!”

BLAME IT ON THE DOG…

The dog did it… He ate my homework.  He spilled the milk.   He tracked in the mud.  He tipped over the ……. fill in the blank.

Dogs take the blame for everything.  It’s one of those “go with the percentages” kind of deals.  Chances are, the dog DID do it.  Not because they meant to, of course.  They were around and chances are….

Anyone who lives in a neighborhood with raccoons knows it probably wasn’t the dog.  He just got the blame for mischief done by a raccoon.  Raccoons are sneaky and have the skill of a locksmith… Or, a surgeon, depending on the job skill required.

This is a drawing I did for a Children’s book I’m illustrating for a friend of mine.  After I did the drawing, my cartoon mind kicked in and I had to add the caption.  Doesn’t he, or actually SHE (the raccoon in the story is called “Dottie”) look like she’s snitching on someone?  Has to be the dog.  Blame the dog and you’re off the hook without a question.  Even if the dog has an alibi… like, “I was inside the house all night, sleeping on your bed for Pete’s sake!”  Doesn’t matter… his reputation proceeded him.  GUILTY as charged!

That’s why we call him “MAN’S BEST FRIEND”… He takes the blame and still loves you!  Now, if we could teach him how to take out the garbage instead of getting into it, we’d have a perfect world.

ANY DAY THAT STARTS WITH GOLF IS A GOOD DAY

Golf can become an obsession…  Ask any golfer.  They also will agree (usually) that no matter how poorly they played on any given day, it still beats working!

I drew this cartoon for  a long-time associate that always wore a bow-tie to work.  I never saw him without it.  He worked in a different department and my normal contact with him was in meetings and an occasional chance encounter in the hallways.  When I became an agent for State Farm, he was the supervisor of the Auto Underwriting department that reviewed, accepted or rejected my applications for clients to purchase auto insurance.

Over the many years I dealt with him, he was always in good humor and I don’t know if I ever saw the same bow-tie twice.  I learned he was an avid golfer and preferred to walk the municipal courses he played.  When I heard he was retiring, I drew this cartoon and had it put on stationery for him.  I could imagine him strolling to the first tee with the Sun rising, whistling as he anticipated another good day at the course.  Whenever I see this cartoon, I am reminded of the feelings  a golfer has approaching the first tee.  Filled with anticipation, excitement and hope for a good round.  But the best part?…  Not going to work!