Author: dickevans

THERE’S A BEAR IN THE BACK YARD!

We had a BIG Black bear in our yard the other day!

I need to tell my side of the story before the other version hits the streets…  We were in our new three season room enjoying a beautiful, sunny afternoon when, to my surprise, I looked out the window and there, not more than ten feet from the window was a huge Black Bear.

We live in the woods in a subdivision in Northern Michigan and have heard the recent stories of bears in the area.  One was captured in downtown Traverse City and another was hit and killed just outside of town a few days later.  So, it’s not like we didn’t think it could happen… But, in OUR YARD?  There it was.  Bigger than life and walking through our backyard toward the front.

That’s when my trouble began… I yelled, “LOOK AT THE BEAR!” and ran to get my camera.  Big mistake.  I didn’t realize the Grandkids were sleeping in the car in the driveway… with the windows open and surrounded by snacks!  The women freaked out.  Grandma called 911 and Mom ran to the front window to see if the bear was approaching the car.  When I realized what was happening, I started out the front door to get myself between the Bear and the kids… to divert him.  Honest!   That was my plan.

The women’s initial response was, “Don’t go out there!  The Bear is out there!”  Then, realizing it might boil-down to either me or the kids being eaten, they relented and let me go out.  The Bear was no where in sight.  My yell had evidently spooked him and we found out later, he ran through the neighbor’s yard across the street and into the woods behind their house.

The 911 operator said there was nothing they would do unless the Bear was threatening or being a nuisance… and, next time, don’t call them.  Call the Department of Natural Resources or Animal Control.  I wonder what we’re supposed to do if the Bear is armed?

The cartoon is a result of the unjust criticism I got for my initial response to grab a camera instead of trying to save the kids.  For days now I’ve been taking flak for my response.  The mother of the children is afraid to walk in the area because “We don’t know where the Bear is…”.  I suggested if she really wanted to know where the bear was all she had to do is smear some bacon grease on the kids, send them outside and wait.  She’d soon know if there was a bear in the area… That response didn’t go over any better than my first one.  What’s wrong with these women, anyway?

Who needs HD-TV?

The other day at Big Boy, we were discussing HD-TVs.  The cartoon is a result of that conversation.

Judging by the ads, HD-TV is something you can’t live without.  I vaguely remember (a re-occurring problem these days…) a saying that came up a lot to explain something that didn’t meet technological expectations.  “Garbage in-Garbage out” was all they had to say.  You knew what they meant.  The quality received was limited by the method used to get the information in the system…  You couldn’t get any better results than the level of garbage put in.

As  Senior Citizens with less than perfect eyesight, doesn’t it stand to reason the picture is not going to be any clearer than the weakest link… our eyesight?  Is “High-Definition Blurry” better than “plain old blurry”?

Having done extensive research  (I control the remote),  I’ve come to the conclusion it’s not high-definition that makes it look better… It’s the size of the screen!  They’ve figured out that Senior Citizens already own magnifying glasses… wear them, actually.  Getting them to  pay hundreds of dollars for larger magnifying glasses to watch TV was going to be a tough sell.  It was easier to make the TV’s larger and call them High-Definition than to sell us bigger magnifying glasses!  Not to mention the liability hazard caused when the Senior fell asleep watching TV and was crushed by his magnifying glass!

So, there you have it…  We’re on to them.  You can’t fool us old guys with that marketing fast talk.  We know what’s going down.  We’ll show them!  We’re holding out until they make a full-wall TV that can be viewed from three feet.  If you have to watch “HD-Blurry”, make it REALLY BIG!